i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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