Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
