My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
