I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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