My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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