You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think your dad took our porno
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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