I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
