so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
