woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
