One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
