my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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