I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
