I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
