I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
