I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
