I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
