oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
