she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
