i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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