dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
