You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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