My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
