he shaved USA in his pubs
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i've created a new STD.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
