Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
