yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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