So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
