Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
