Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
