Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
