So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
