I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
