I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
