I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
