The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
