You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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