And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize