you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
