Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My breasts were aching with rage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
