I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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