I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
