She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
They left me at home... I'm a liability
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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