i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
