she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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