I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
