People with herpes should wear stickers.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
