my phone needs a breathalizer
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
