i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
