she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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