Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
