I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
