marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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