He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wear drunk well.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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