thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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