OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
